Ring of Fire

Love is a burning thing
and it makes a firery ring
bound by wild desire
I fell in to a ring of fire…

I fell in to a burning ring of fire
I went down,down,down
and the flames went higher.
And it burns,burns,burns
the ring of fire
the ring of fire.

The taste of love is sweet
when hearts like our’s meet
I fell for you like a child
oh, but the fire went wild..

I fell in to a burning ring of fire

Something you step in

Over the years there have been arguments, spats, and of course the Civil Wars (god, I’m tired of typing that term).  Everyone has had a different way to deal with these situations.  When I had my initial falling out with a circle of friends many people reacted differently.  For the most part, I was cast aside.  The way that I was cast aside differed from person to person.  Through it all, I always contended that SYSI had class about the whole situation.

I hold true to that belief now, if not more than ever.

The Monster

“Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.”

-Hermione Granger

I used to refer to a certain exgirlfriend as Voldebitch. As far as this blog is concerned, I can’t say her name as I know she wouldn’t want that, but in life outside of the internet I say her name freely. I’ve come to terms with her, and no longer cringe when I hear her name. The scar is there, but the wound has healed.

I find myself in yet another civil war. Loyalties have been betrayed. Lies have been told. Crimes have been commited. Friendships have ceased. Bridges have been burned. Trust has been lost. Then, of course, name-calling has occured, on both sides of the divide.

I’m fairly certain that nobody on either side could give two shits what the other side calls them. Whether the names are clever, or apropo, is secondary. This is bitterness, plain and simple. Not that this bitterness isn’t warranted, or even deserved, but let’s call a spade a spade. Whether you cringe at the mention of someone’s name and need to call them something else, or you can’t stand a group of people and use a name for the collective group, you’re not being constructive.

Personally, what I need is accountability, and it’s a fair assumption that people on either side want this too. Secrets, scams, lies, motives, violations of trust… either side wants those parties to own up to the things they have done/said. If you stole something, give it back. If you don’t like someone, tell them.

In my honest opinion, this won’t happen, and that is sad. Sad because there are people that had something special in their lives taken from them, sad because nobody believes you, sad because strangers that would have otherwise been bretheren have been cheated, and sad because those loyalties, lies, crimes, friendships, bridges, and trust will not be reconciled.

Am I part of The Monster? I don’t even know what The Monster is. Is it the bitterness? Is it the spite? Is it the comradery of friends sticking together when one or all of them have been wronged?

I care for all parties involved, very deeply, and hope that they all recieve the healing that they need, which is why I am on a side. I wasn’t personally wronged. I wasn’t stolen from. However, I was idly threatened. I had personal details of my life that were shared, when those things were supposed to be private. I had details of others’ lives shared with me that weren’t to be shared.

I need trust. If not implicitly, at the very least I need the basic levels of it. I need to be trusted. I need to have my friends know that they can trust me; whether they share their personal secrets/issues with me or not, they need to know that they can, and that I won’t share those details, even if we stop being friends; even if I’m angry with them; even if I’m drunk and ranting.

I didn’t pick a side. I don’t have to. Just know that if you want to be really close to me, this is only possible if I can trust you. Otherwise you will be an acquaintance, at best. Even if I’ve known you for 13 years. Even if you introduced me to my wife. Even if we’re related.

Let me fall

Let me fall
Let me climb
There’s a moment when fear
And dreams must collide

Someone I am
Is waiting for courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me

So let me fall
If I must fall
I won’t heed your warnings
I won’t hear them

Let me fall
If I fall
Though the phoenix may
Or may not rise

I will dance so freely
Holding on to no one
You can hold me only
If you too will fall
Away from all these
Useless fears and chains

Someone I am
Is waiting for my courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me

So let me fall
If I must fall
I won’t heed your warnings
I won’t hear

Let me fall
If I fall
There’s no reason
To miss this one chance
This perfect moment
Just let me fall

Party On

My wife doesn’t play video games.  I play tons of them.  Well, not as much as I could if I had unlimited money and time, but I don’t just play games, I beat the living shit out of them.

My boy p’rick loaned me Mario Party 4, 5, and 6, as I am a Nintendo whore, and moreover I’m a mini-game whore.  Needless to say, I am satisfied completely.  Should I lose the taste for the Party games I still have my own games, so I’m set.

Then it happened.  Milca wanted to play.  She and I play board games all the time, and Mario Party is very much set up like a board game, so the bridge was much easier to gap in this case.  She loved it, and prefers 6 to the other two.  What’s more, she played by herself when I was at rehearsal.  I repeat, she played video games by herself for her own enjoyment.

I’m beside myself with joy.

Abandonment

Here I am, with no job, and I don’t even blog anymore.  You probably feel abandoned.

The news of late will start light.  I’ve been looking for work, and have been making progress.  I am becomig more and more desperate, though, as money is becoming more and more scarce.  Incidentally, if you know anyone that’s hiring, lemme know.  🙂

Recently a friend was found to be stealing from members of a group of people that they would have otherwise called “friend.”  This person’s actions have had an effect on several of the homies, and nobody is very pleased with the situation.  I was not effected directly, however I am part of this group, and I can’t help but feel let down, disappointed, and ultimately angry.
The resolution at this point involves this person seeking professional help, which leads me to my current dilemma.  Do I believe that the actions were driven by an uncontrollable psychological issue, or the survival instinct of being low on cash?  Do I give the benefit of the doubt, or should I not take the chance and sever all ties, cutting my losses?  I’ve been in similar circumstances (though my “crime” wasn’t illegal, nor as heinous), and I can say that the circumstances are only truly known to those parties involved.  That being said, a level of trust has been breached, and the damage is likely beyond repair.  Will I sever all ties?  Not likely.  Will those ties be as close/strong as before?  Also not likely.
The scorned homies need to be angry right now.  If I were in the same situation, I’d be livid.  This will pass, I’m sure, but what will come of the circle of friends?  Only time will tell.

La Suegra

My mother-in-law (hereafter La Suegra) has been planning her trip to Europe for weeks.  Every moment on the computer was spent looking up local customs, ticket prices, room rates, and local points of interest.  Not that she didn’t know most of this stuff already, having traveled to Europe before.  She was simply ecstatic about being able to return.  Those of you that have been to Burning Man and know the utter pain that is the need to be on the playa can relate here.  Italy is her BRC.  She was going with a couple people she knows, and they came over for dinner Sunday night.
*IMPORTANT INFORMATION*

She needed to be out the door at 4:30am to make it in time to go through airport shenanigans, etc.

So, this guy and this gal come over for dinner Sunday night.  They’re already here when Milca and I get home from some random errands, and we find them relaxing, eating salami, drinking wine, and looking at Europe stuff on the computer.  Milca makes tacos, which are devoured and enjoyed by all.  At one point a rather nasty bottle of wine is opened (it tasted like someone smoked a foot with hickory chips, then ran a marathon every day for a month in the same socks), which I had only half of a glass of.  The night was a success overall, then everyone went to sleep.

The next morning La Suegra wasn’t feeling well.  She had been sick, had a sick belly, and was generally weak.  She had a couple errands that needed to be run, so I ran them, got her some Gatorade, and came back home.  After Milca got home from work, La Suegra decided to go to the ER as she didn’t want this to turn in to something bad in Europe, and that’s what health insurance is for.  Free/cheap drugs, and peace of mind.

So, the 3 of us go to the ER Monday night.  We get there around 7:45 or so (could be off), and begin to wait.  Milca and I go to get some food, come back having eaten a meal, and she’s still waiting to be admitted.  Once she’s admitted (around 12 or so), Milca and I went home to rest up, as Milca had to drive La Suegra to the airport at 4.  So, I stayed up to pick her up from the ER (a ten minute drive, likely shorter).  I got the call around 2:15 or so, and went to the ER.

She had a prescription that she needed to fill, and wouldn’t you know it, Pasadena won’t allow a 24 hour pharmacy.  That sucks ass.  So, we had to go to Monterey Park, deep in the heart of Asia.  We weren’t there long waiting for the drugs, and got home around 3:15.  Once there, La Suegra packed the last of her things, and Milca’s alarm went off.  She got up after a few snooze button uses, and took her mom to the airport, out the door at 4:25.
I promptly went to bed, and didn’t get up until noon.