The Monster

“Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.”

-Hermione Granger

I used to refer to a certain exgirlfriend as Voldebitch. As far as this blog is concerned, I can’t say her name as I know she wouldn’t want that, but in life outside of the internet I say her name freely. I’ve come to terms with her, and no longer cringe when I hear her name. The scar is there, but the wound has healed.

I find myself in yet another civil war. Loyalties have been betrayed. Lies have been told. Crimes have been commited. Friendships have ceased. Bridges have been burned. Trust has been lost. Then, of course, name-calling has occured, on both sides of the divide.

I’m fairly certain that nobody on either side could give two shits what the other side calls them. Whether the names are clever, or apropo, is secondary. This is bitterness, plain and simple. Not that this bitterness isn’t warranted, or even deserved, but let’s call a spade a spade. Whether you cringe at the mention of someone’s name and need to call them something else, or you can’t stand a group of people and use a name for the collective group, you’re not being constructive.

Personally, what I need is accountability, and it’s a fair assumption that people on either side want this too. Secrets, scams, lies, motives, violations of trust… either side wants those parties to own up to the things they have done/said. If you stole something, give it back. If you don’t like someone, tell them.

In my honest opinion, this won’t happen, and that is sad. Sad because there are people that had something special in their lives taken from them, sad because nobody believes you, sad because strangers that would have otherwise been bretheren have been cheated, and sad because those loyalties, lies, crimes, friendships, bridges, and trust will not be reconciled.

Am I part of The Monster? I don’t even know what The Monster is. Is it the bitterness? Is it the spite? Is it the comradery of friends sticking together when one or all of them have been wronged?

I care for all parties involved, very deeply, and hope that they all recieve the healing that they need, which is why I am on a side. I wasn’t personally wronged. I wasn’t stolen from. However, I was idly threatened. I had personal details of my life that were shared, when those things were supposed to be private. I had details of others’ lives shared with me that weren’t to be shared.

I need trust. If not implicitly, at the very least I need the basic levels of it. I need to be trusted. I need to have my friends know that they can trust me; whether they share their personal secrets/issues with me or not, they need to know that they can, and that I won’t share those details, even if we stop being friends; even if I’m angry with them; even if I’m drunk and ranting.

I didn’t pick a side. I don’t have to. Just know that if you want to be really close to me, this is only possible if I can trust you. Otherwise you will be an acquaintance, at best. Even if I’ve known you for 13 years. Even if you introduced me to my wife. Even if we’re related.