Bullshit Manifesto

This is the happiest I’ve been in my life, and it’s lasted a full year with no end in sight.  She’s every bit as silly, brilliant, loving, and perverted as I am, and she’s all mine.  Cloud Nine, I tell you.

This year’s Halloween costumes were very successful.  I was very excited to do my first couples costume, and Ariel and I rocked it.  The first party we went as each other (and each nailed it), then for the Melissa-Bombing (Halloween) Party she was a stripper, and I was her pole.  Finally, for my company party we went as sexy Pee-Wee Herman and I was her Jambi, head in box.  Ariel and her mom put a fair amount of manual labor in to that box, and I’m eternally grateful for the help.

All of the parties out of the way, Ariel and I took her brother trick-or-treating.  He’s 2, was dressed as a bunny, and took some time to catch on that you take the candy from them, then put it in your bucket.  For this more impromptu venture, we went individual with my cowboy to her oldschool girl-scout.

To say I’m head over heels for this girl would be an understatement.

One night several years back, I went to Luigi Ortega’s across the street from PCC.  At that time it was a favorite hangout for its cheap beer specials and alligator tacos.  That night, I locked my bike out front, and had a good old time.  I forgot about my bike, and got a ride home, only to remember my error when we got there.  I got a ride back, but my bike had been stolen.  I couldn’t say if it happened while I was there or not, but in any case my bike which had gone with me to Burning Man several times, and had been with me through pounds of weight loss and countless miles of transit was gone; her seat beneath another’s ass.

A couple weeks later, I was house/car/cat-sitting for my girl Corey, and while driving past PCC I saw what looked like someone riding my bike.  It should be noted that since losing the bike, every red bike I saw *had* to be my bike, of course, until I noticed some detail that obviously precluded it from being mine.  This time, however, the bike was indeed mine.  The rack in the back, mismatched tires, and red/white design were unmistakable.

I drove around the block, and was lucky enough to find that whoever had the bike had stopped and locked the bike to a tree in front of PCC, likely so they could go to the Flea Market.  I got to the bike, and called the cops, then I called my mom who lived a block away to be there as backup, just in case (backup = call 911 if I’m beating someone’s ass).

The guy returned to the bike before the cops got there.  He couldn’t speak very good English, but through his broken English, my broken Spanish, and him forgetting that he’s pretending not to speak English that he’d “bought the bike from a black guy late one night.”  I could have cared less, and even offered the guy the $20 he paid for it, which he declined.

I don’t know anyone that was able to recover their stolen bike, and certainly not on their own like that.  Fortune was shining on me, that’s for sure.

Clitoris.

It’s coming. I’m getting sick and tired of the coughing. It’s getting fairly bad, exacerbated by a cold’s congestion. It’s a nuisance that isn’t going unnoticed, and quitting the cigarettes is nigh.

/smoke

Ariel and I had been talking for a couple months at that point, but that was about it.  She had to get her VW serviced at the place a block from my house, so she hit me up to see if I’d like to hang out, which of course I was game for.  I met up with her there, she handled car shenanigans, then we went to Goodwill to browse.

On the way to my house, we noticed many puzzle pieces on the sidewalk and in the gutter.  It looked like someone had taken 4-6 puzzles of various sizes/shapes/images and just threw them out of a moving vehicle.  So, not really knowing the other person all that well, we both leaned towards our instincts while looking to see if the other did the same or not.  We gathered pieces.  We aimed specifically for the dinosaur puzzles, because, DUH, THEY’RE DINOSAUR PUZZLES.  Our hands filled with puzzle pieces, we walked to my house.  We both knew that the other pieces needed to be gathered, so I grabbed a sack and we gathered up the rest of the pieces, which we brought back to my house to be sorted, and put together.

Some of the puzzles have a few pieces that are missing.  Some of the puzzles haven’t enough pieces to really make out what it is.  But there are a few puzzles that by the grace of Jebus have all of the pieces necessary to put the puzzle together completely.  My dinosaur puzzle is complete. <3

http://christopherloop.com/ariel/

It’s funny how eras can change so many things. When I look at my life over the past year when I found true love, or over the past 2.5 years of no alcohol, or the 7 years since my relationship that ended in divorce, or the 11 years since I moved out from my parent’s house, or the 16 years since my relationship with my dad died, the perspective is stifling. How much/little changes in some walks of life, while others change dramatically.

Things change because they have to. Cause, effect. If the effect merely produces another cause, then get your arms and legs inside the vehicle and fasten your safety belt, because it’s time to go on Freefall again.

Perspective… I try really hard not to compare my current relationship with my previous marriage. It’s hard. Especially for a person that has a critical thinking brain such as I do. But…

M never was one for the internet. I am very much rooted here. I’ve made my living from the internet in some capacity for most of my working career (certainly all of the jobs that paid reasonable wages). She checked email, and that’s about it. Which is cool, it’s just not me. I couldn’t survive with that amount of internet, and she had no desire for my usage. It was never an issue, but a glaring difference.

Now I’m in love with this girl.  She had a webhosting account for Dreamhost before I worked there, and was accepted for and declined the opportunity to shoot with Suicide Girls.

Perspective is important.  I see now that while love can get me past many hurdles, my partner in life needs to be a lot like me, not just kind of like me.  M was and very likely still is one of the kindest, smartest, gentlest, and creative people I’ll know… but she just wasn’t Chris Loop enough.  She knew it earlier than I did, I’m sure, and it’s why we’re happier and healthier apart.  It should be noted that I wasn’t M enough, either.  🙂

And so here I stand in present day, resolved in my stance with my father, providing for myself while living happily and comfortably in the city I was born and raised in, knowing more of myself having been born again from the ashes of divorce, healthier and happier in knowing and understanding my body and mind, and more in love every day with a woman that’s almost as Chris Loop as me.

And perspective has also taught me to recognize that I’m almost as Ariel as she is, which just about makes me the happiest man alive.

Boobs.

Let me explain.  No, there is too much, let me sum up:

Bike was stolen, but I was able to find it again.  The story is *just* exciting enough that I’ll give that its own post later.

christheloop.com expired, and since I had no idea how domain registrations worked at the time, I lost the domain.

I got a job at Dreamhost, and have registrations and hosting of my own now.

With my 1337 skillz, I was able to get the old blog’s posts and put them up here.

So, there you have it!  I’m back and blogging.

Boobs.

We went to Burning Man together.
She gave me support while I lost weight.
She carried me everywhere.

Last night my bike was stolen.  I still have my saddle bags, but the bike is gone.  It was locked up, albeit with a POS lock.  Now I need to buy/borrow another bike, immediately.

I grew up in an awesome neighborhood in Pasadena.  The friends I had, though a few years younger than I, were some of the best people I’ve ever met, and they came from awesome families.  I knew these folks since I was about 6 or so, and when  I look back I always marvel at how fortunate I was. Each of their parents was a parent to me in a way, just as I was one of their children.

I ran in to one of those childhood friends tonight, and it was a breath of fresh air. It’s in those moments that I realize how much change people go through, and I’m not talking about her, I’m talking about myself. I remember how I was around my friend’s older (but still not as old as I am) sister, and I was a different person entirely. While my silliness is in tact, I am more conifdent; comfortable in my own skin. It was a welcome observation to what is inarguably the highlight of my week.

She was older, certainly, but through the unfamiliar fog I saw the girl I knew. Come to think of it, I think that was the girl I had my first real crush on. HA! Wow.

I’m loving life.

So, the red flags have been observed, and after spending a good deal of time taking advantage of the space I needed, I had my choice made for me, it would seem.  That’s only mostly true, as I’d come to similar conclusions, albeit for different reasons.  I didn’t call her soon enough (totally my bad) and she got impatient with me and my shenanigans.

The fact of the matter is that, while I was developing feelings for her, I saw issues between us.  I put those fears on the backburner for a while, as I had found someone I could connect with; someone I had a lot in common with, but I couldn’t ignore these issues anymore.  I found that half the time we were having the time of our lives, then something would go terribly wrong and the rest of the night was a downer.  I felt like one hand was pulling me in while the other was pushing me away.  It’s entirely possible that I was doing something along the same lines, but that’s really just another means to the same end.

I’d been spending this time thinking, and talking to my closest friends about the situation.  To be honest, I hadn’t really done that with relationships in the past.  I kept a great deal of it locked up inside, only to go to those close friends for their consolation after th fact rather than their advice from the getgo.

In the end, at least for me, it comes down to what our expectations were.  I was making myself available to a point, but made it clear that I wanted to take it very slow.  After seeing each other less than two months, I was being told that I wasn’t putting enough effort in to the relationship.  While it is true that I wasn’t putting in as much work towards planning anything, I’d say that taking a bus and bike round trip, sometimes going straight to work the next morning, is putting forth at least a noticeable amount of effort.

Feh, I don’t need to point any blame or ill wishes.  The fact is, I’m glad that it’s over this quickly before it got too far.  I really was falling for her, and the fact of the matter is that I was blinded by those feelings.  I’m not ready for a relationship, or if I am, not with her.  My last relationship (aka my marriage) I felt bells ringing from the beginning, I couldn’t get her out of my head, I was singing lovesongs to myself, I was boring people with stories about something cute she did/said, etc.  In this case, I was developing feelings, but I wasn’t hearing the birds sing, you know?

I’m fine with just dating, really.  I’m not against being in a relationship at all.  In fact, this could have become a full on relationship.  I just know that I’d have been lying to myself that certain things weren’t bothering me.

Goodbye, H.  I truly do wish you well, and hope that our paths cross again, in whatever manifestation the universe sees fit.