Bullshit Manifesto

Back in my senior year of high school, our high school put on a production of William Shakespeare’s Measure for Measure. It was good fun, as I had the lead, and I played opposite some talented friends. Some so badass that they didn’t need to audition, and were brought in as reinforcements when others flaked in a big role. It was a high school production, for sure, but we had a great time.

The play is a tale of a Duke who wishes to test the mettle of his right hand man, Lord Angelo. The Duke leaves town, giving Angelo the reins, only he doesn’t actually leave, but rather pretends to be a monk in town to observe first hand how the city is run in his absence. Angelo started enforcing arcane laws, like premarital sex being an offense punishable by death. This was happening to a particular couple that were already engaged, but got busy before walking down the aisle, getting her pregnant. Well, that was not easy to hide, so the guy was taken in. His sister, a wholesome woman just a few days shy of becoming a nun, is called to his aid. She comes to town only to find that Angelo is a scumbag that wants to bone her, and says that it’s the only way to save her brother. She eventually befriends the Duke that she believes to be a monk, and helps create a scenario that puts Angelo in exactly the same situation as the guy that he would have put to death. In the end, everyone’s motives are shown to all, and everybody gets laid. No, seriously, that’s pretty much how it unfolds. It’s a Shakespearean comedy, for crying out loud.

My employers may very well be taking the reins like Angelo did. They are taking away our IM privelages, so we won’t have anything beside email and the web. I can’t fathom the logic, seeing as I work on phones, and that’s the most efficient way to get help while talking to a customer. Whatever. They aren’t executing people yet, nor are they trying to have sex with nuns, so there’s no real reason for alarm. I just can’t help but slap my forehead saying, “What are they thinking?!”

I am taking a theater class (for all you new readers, this is where all the people that are “In the Loop,” so to speak, make a collective proclamation, “It’s about damn time, you dumbass.”) and last night I was performing my first of two scenes for the class. My partner Julie and I performed a scene from Same Time, Next Year. This play was made in to a movie with Alan Alda and Ellen Burstyn. I netflixed the movie, which was helpful, but I really played the scene differently that Alda did, as I was only doing the one scene, and didn’t have the whole play to develop/establish my character. Julie was awesome, I nailed my shit, and there you go. Now I just have a butt load of written work to do. Ugh.

During the beginning of class, the head of the department, who is directing a musical at the school right now, came in to promote it. During their conversation it came up that one of the other directors at the school was next door doing auditions for a play he’s directing soon, To Gillian on her 37th Birthday. So, I decided I’d go over there during our break.

I walk in, and get the form to fill out for the audition. I grab a couple scenes, and give them a once over. There are two male roles in the play, so that’s all I needed to really go over. I got a good idea of what each character was all about, generally, and decided I could have more fun in the smaller role. He had me read two of this character’s scenes, and flat out told me that I had nailed the character. He had no notes for me at all. I’m 100% sure that I will be getting a callback. I’m 70% sure I got the part. We’ll see if those odds change in the coming days.

I’m so fucking giddy right now. Yesterday was a flurry of Chris-makes-bold-moves-towards-progress, and I have to say I liked it. 🙂

I have just applied for a training position here at work. This is seriously the job I am made for. I’m not a spoiled sport, but I don’t know that I could help but be a little bitter if I don’t get it. I read the job description and almost laughed out loud. I was doing this when I was 17.

The Loop abides.

I had my annual epiphany of what I should be for halloween. If you aren’t at the Aaaaaaaaannualllllllllll Screeeeeeeeeeeninnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng you will just have to wait for photos to be posted. I’m fairly certain that folks will be talking about this one for a while. So simple, yet so brilliant. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I’m pretty much a social butterfly. Even in high school, where most of my friends were in maybe 2 or 3 social circles, I was in nearly 3 times as many. Not to say I was the coolest kid in school, or even the most liked, it’s just a fact that I knew a good deal of the student body, if only as an acquaintance. This has made for some pretty awkward moments later in life, as I can’t remember half of the people that come up to me saying, “Hey, Chris! Remember me?!” But I digress…

This has carried over to my young adult life, however as I’m not in the same place as these people 6 hours a day, 5 times a week anymore there are circles that I am more available to than others. One circle that I have left very neglected over the past couple years is becoming more present in my life these days, and I have to say it’s like a breath of fresh air. Not to say that the air is stagnant at home or with the other circle(s), but like I said, I grew up with several circles of friends, and recently I’ve had two; The high school/etc. homies, and my wife.

My buddy Marc had a birthday bash at his apartment in Culver City last night, and I had a blast. I was able to see a lot of the old homies, all of the Vampire crowd, and met some new people.

Talk to someone you haven’t talked to in years. Go ahead. Do it. Have fun.

Why? Because when I go to Starbucks, I just want a cup of fucking coffee.

🙂

Today was the first time I consumed anything beside the lemonade concoction. That glass of OJ was awesome. I am really looking forward to my apples for lunch, as I haven’t chewed anything since 9/29/05.

Overall the diet was a success. I feel extremely awesome, and I’ve lost… drumroll please…

Between 25-30 lbs. Yes, that much. I’m wearing pants I haven’t worn in at least a year. So, 25 lbs and 2 inches on the waist later I have decided that this will be at least an annual deal.

Work now. Blog later.

Bewbs.

I have an energy I can’t describe. I haven’t eaten any solid food since Thursday (today is Wednesday, for those that are groggy, unemployed, or have no use for a calendar), and I’m feeling fine.

I’ve been going to the bathroom a few times a day, mostly to urinate, but I do sit down at least once a day. It’s not solid, but there’s still stuff coming out. On day 9 (Saturday) I plan to do another salt water cleanse that should flush out any stragglers.

Last night I had a dream that I ate food, and I woke up feeling guilty. I think I ate a bagel. It wasn’t even real, and it tasted good.

People that know I’m fasting constantly appologize for eating in front of me, or for even talking about food. I’m totally fine with it, though. I’m craving foods, but I’m not hungry, if you get what I mean. I’m really learning the difference between the two.

Since last weighing myself at the gym, I’ve lost 10 pounds. I’ve been told by several people over the past couple days that I’ve lost weight. Then, this morning, for shits and giggles, I tried on a pair of jeans that I had outgrown. Though a little tight, they did fit. I’m sure that I’ll gain a little back, but then I am planning on going pseudo-vegetarian (I’m still going to eat fish, as there’s no way in hell I’ll give up sushi) when I’m off the fast. I had a similar diet for years, and with good results. Here’s round 2.

Oh, boobies.

The hunger isn’t all that bad, but it makes it harder to deal when Milca is cooking. For example, the pork tenerloin and potatoes that she cooked tonight looked, and smelled, awesome.

I have realized exactly how often I used to look in the fridge, as I often find myself walking through the kitchen, and almost open it. I stop myself just as I realize that the only thing I could get from it would be maple syrup.

Yesterday was a day of cleaning out my colon and intestines. If you really want to know more, you can email me for a blow by blow. I’ll save the masses from the details, as you may have recently eaten, or might plan to do so some time in the next day or two. I don’t mind, as I don’t plan to eat anything for another 7 days.

I am going on a “cleanse” starting today, otherwise known as the Lemonade Diet. Basically I don’t eat anything for 10 days, and drink this lemonade concoction which is lemon juice, pure maple syrup (which is apparently jam packed with a bunch of vitamins and whatnot), water, and cayenne pepper. This will clean the system out, very literally, including the intestines and colon. This is far more effecient than an enema or colonic.

I’ve had my first two cups, and it’s not that bad. I especially like the kick of the cayenne. We’ll see how I feel after a few days. Hunger hasn’t hit yet, but we’ll see.