Several years ago, when I was still following the practices of the catholic church, I gave up meat for Lent. It was a few days until Easter when my boy Brett and I ran in to an old friend from high school. Brett and I were at the local liquor store picking up a case of beer for the evening when we ran in to her. This wasn’t just a typical old friend, this was one of those attractive girls that you had the hots for that just always seemed to be in the friend category. You know what I mean. Anyhow, we were walking out of the store, case of beer in hand, when we saw her and chatted a bit. One little bit of that conversation changed my life for several years.
“Have you lost weight?”
“I guess so. I gave up meat for a while.”
“Because you look good.”
That emphasis on “good” caused me to extend my sacrifice of meat far beyond the 40 days of Lent. Several years, in fact. After Lent was over the rule had to be clearly defined. I tried saying no to red meat, but then that would still allow for pork which I wanted to cut back on as well. I couldn’t only say pork and beef, because I was going to mongolian BBQ pretty frequently in those days and would simply opt to eat lamb, as that technically wouldn’t break my rule. In the end the rule stood as No Mammals. Simple, straight forward, and as exclusive as I wished to be. I’d eat fish, poultry, and reptiles. Not that I actually ate reptiles, but I was still holding out to eat rattlesnake, frog legs, and any other random cultural reptiles that were in store.
Then, many moons later, I came across a certain Argentine cutie whose family serves a good deal of meat. She didn’t ask me to eat it, but the desire to please her family was strong enough that I gave up my rule of no mammals. I ate a fair amount of beef. I ate even more pork. It was during this time that I also quit smoking, so I put on even more weight from that. Having been off the smokes for almost 2 years now, and with her family back in Argentina for the most part, I have decided that I am going back on the No Mammals diet to lose some weight, and clean the system a bit. I’m watching what I eat, of course, but this one dietary exclusion lost me about 15 pounds before, so I’m hoping for similar results.
I’d been criticized for this choice in the past, what with my being a smoker who worried about eating meat. Now that I don’t smoke, there’s not much anyone can say.
At any rate, I still plan to grub me some fish and some birds. Sometimes in the same sitting.