I recieved a fair amount of congratulations before, during, and after the wedding. from all the familiar faces, of course, and those random acquaintances that succumb to the need to be polite and offer cogratulations, but then there have also been some folks that have come out of the wood work to offer their well wishes.
On the day of the wedding I recieved a gift from one such person from my past, who had the audacity to call me a friend in the card she wrote me. This act was audacious because the lat interaction we had was when she was telling off my answering machine, questioning actions of mine that she had no first hand knowledge about, and told me that we were not friends anymore, and that she doubted that I ever was her friend. You see the audacity here, yes? While I am a fan of audacity, and I’m sometimes their Mayor, this went a bit too far for me.
While we were on our honeymoon Milca got two calls from ex-boyfriends, who had called to say happy birthday, which we celebrated on the island, but then offered their congrats once learning that we were on our honeymoon. No biggie, just kinda funny that they’d call on the same day, and while we were on our honeymoon.
Then I got an email from that one. You know, the one that really boiled your insides. The one that you had fantasies of telling off, or snubbing, etc. The first one. She wrote me, saying that she was looking for someone with fencing for a schol project. She mentioned this project once, didn’t ask me to fence, and didn’t ask if anyone I knew fenced. So that was pretty much a way to explain why she looked for me, how she found this blog, and why she emailed me. It may be true, but I just don’t know. Even if you casually looked up my name in google you’d find me on the first try, so finding me wouldn’t be all that difficult. Whatever the case, she emailed me, offered her congratulations, threw some subtle barbs my way, and that was that.
I toiled over the response most of the day. I’d often thought of going to her last known place of employment, or seeing her at a reunion, or running into her on the street, or going to her old internet stomping ground and emailing her, just to tell her off, insult her, yell, bicker, etc. I often thought how good it might make me feel to get this hate off of my chest. The fact of the matter is that this hate wasn’t on my chest, but my shoulders, weighing me down. I couldn’t say her name aloud, it was so bad. I had to come up with a clever dorky nickname for her so I wouldn’t have to hear or say her name aloud (I’d apprecciate this name, and her real name, not being used in comments on this post, if you please). This was all way too much negative energy for me to carry around, so I thought that this email was my perfect opportunity to get it all out.
While typing the email, I realized what I previously said, that it was on my shoulders, and not in my chest. I didn’t have to get it out, I had to let it go. Along with all the negative thoughts and feelings that I had accumulated toiling over this all these years were thoughts of understanding, remorse, and a fair amount of compassion. I can’t say that I condone her actions, or that I would have done the same thing, but I can’t help but understand how she might have done these things, feeling the way she did. It was just so much easier to forgive than to revenge.
I wrote the email, sent it, and that’s that. I don’t know that she’ll reply, and if she doesn’t, I’ll understand. She may feel some bitterness that she can’t help but throw my way, and that, too, I’d understand. I hope, however, that she will see the opportunity for grace, and seize it.
Cheers.