Resolutions are like promises to do something in the future, like a goal. And like a goal it carries responsibility. That’s all fine and dandy, but if you have goals, you could have let downs. I know, because I tried to quit smoking several years on New Year’s Eve and found a pack in my pocket and a smoke in my mouth no more than 48 hours later. My resolution shouldn’t be a promise to do or be something different, I should merely be resolved. I guess it’s kinda zen, but being the change is more effective than promising to do it eventually. At least that’s the case for me.
So, rather than making a to do list, or saying what I’m going to do, I’m merely going to be the person that I would like to be. I will not wait for January 1st to make these observations and changes, they will simply happen continuosly and constantly as I live. The first change for the New Year came to me this weekend while camping.
I don’t feel the party anymore. I go to the party, and I love the people at the party, but I am simply not feeling the party itself anymore. I’m not saying I won’t go to “parties,” I guess it’s just that party animal that used to dwell within me is no more. He’s not dead, he merely doesn’t exist anymore. Changed. New. This is me, and I feel good. I see others that have that wild heart, and I envy it sometimes. Until now I would then start thinking, not how good I felt, but how good I could be feeling. It was only recently that I started looking at how happy I truly was that I realized that my wild side wasn’t happy at all. Others do find some happiness in their wild sides, and that’s awesome. I’m just not one of those people anymore.
Have I grown out of it? No, that sounds too pretentious for me, like I’m somehow more mature, similar to a born again preacher. Been there, done that? No, there are places that I have in fact been to, and things that I have done, but that sounds too pretentious again. I guess you could simply say that I’m like Token in the Lord of the Rings episode of South Park. We’re still friends, but I don’t want to play that game anymore. I’m hoping the people that I camped with know what I’m talking about.
So, in then end, where stands the resolved Loop? Simple. Content. Simply content. Ain’t it grand?