In the past 5 years or so the list of people I would call friends has changed quite a bit. Some names are new, some removed, and some have slipped into the “acquaintances” list. Living in the same city I went to high school in, along with the fact that many of the people that are in the “removed” category share mutual friends, makes for interesting events and whatnot. Here’s how it typically goes down:
1) I am getting ready for whatever event it is. I’m stressed or worried that in some way “All hell will break loose.” I don’t really know what this means, why it might break loose, or who it would break loose on, but I still think it might break loose.
2) On the ride to the event I mentally list everything I would want to say should all hell break loose. As I am not sure what all hell breaking loose means, nor why it would break loose, all I can really plan to say is what I feel.
3) I get to the event, typically early, and get to see everyone. Seeing is about the best that it can be described, as eye contact is rarely made. When it is, there is rarely a nod or other gesture made to acknowledge the presence of the other person. Some of these people I will actually talk to in that “How’s life treating you” banter you would expect from a ghigh school reunion. Others I will not give the time of day to. I am certain that there are others that feel the same way about me, and I understand.
4) Others show up that are more on my end of the spectrum, or are in a neutral area, making the stress level lighter on me, as all hell breaking loose is more likely to break loose on these other people. That isn’t to say that all hell couldn’t break loose on me, but it’s more likely to break loose on more volatile people than myself.
5) The evening goes on with everyone ignoring the other half of the group, except for the neutral types that have to walk back and forth between several groups. At some point it is made known to either group what the other says about it, and shit talking immediately follows. This is without fail.
I would like to say that I’ve gotten used to it, but really, it is getting old. Okay, we don’t like eachother. I get it. I’ve moved on. My shit talking, which I can’t say that I really did much of to begin with, has ended. Granted, I make a little fun at the things I hear that are said about me, but not in some spiteful backstabbing way. For example, when referred to as a “Non-Friend,” I made a quip about taking over the world only to have my plans thwarted by Batman, Robin, Superman, Wonderwoman, the Green Lantern, and the rest of the Super Friends. I’d say that’s about as bad as it gets from me.
I don’t know, I suppose I’m looking for some sort of closure or end to this drama, but I know that this won’t happen as long as silence remains a constant. There are people I want to lay everything on the line with, and others that I owe appologies to. I don’t lay it on the line because I don’t see the pointe, and don’t appologize because I don’t know that they’d give a shit either way. I suppose all I can do is keep living my life, right? That’s easy enough… until the next gathering (Follow steps 1-5 above).