When I was a wee little lad on a road trip to Seattle, my Uncle Steve, Aunt Terre, and cousin Svea stayed with one of Steve’s friends who owned a computer. Knowing my dork tendencies, even back in 93, my uncle got his friend to let me play some games on the computer. There was one cool one that involved castles shooting at each other, then repairing your castle’s walls with available wall pieces. It was puzzles and blowing shit up, two of my favorite things. The game I played after that added another thing to my favorites list, and changed my life forever. Wolfenstein 3D.
Since then, I have taken a certain joy in playing any 1st/3rd person shooter and using the shotgun. Whether it’s a pump, double barreled, automatic, or futuristically enhanced, I’m on the mother fucker. “We should have shotguns for this.” Truer words have never been spoken. Had they had shotguns, there wouldn’t have been chunks of brain and skull in the backseat. Back on topic.
This morning, I was awoken by the hideous noise of a hedge trimmer 3 feet from my window. I live in an apartment building. There are some hedges outside my window. They get trimmed every Friday. Every other Friday is a day off for me, but even those days that I work I still come in later than I would be going to school, so sleeping in is something I look forward to every Friday. Fucking hedge trimmers.
What I really wanted was any of those shotguns from my videogames. Preferably the double barreled from Doom2, or even the automatic from Goldeneye so I could pump 8 rounds into his bitch ass. Why don’t gardeners work in the afternoon, while everyone is at work already?