Bullshit Manifesto

Milca accuses me of having a book with all the right things to say. I’m very rational, and try to always do the right thing. Even if I haven’t been perfect in the past, I’d say that my track record is much more good than bad.

I am not a creative writer, but I’m fairly good with my words. Being a salesman, you have to be. I was a staff writer for a newsletter team at one of my previous jobs.

I’m pretty good with people, and have many friends. At parties I am typically the guy that talks to most everybody, and is remembered by just about everyone there.

In all my years of living, and with all of these things under my belt, I have nothing to say to a friend who has just found out that their father has cancer.

I found out that my godmother has cancer a bit more than a year ago. For all intents and purposes, she should have died many months ago. Those first several months were horrible. Every time the phone rang, I was sure that it was “the call.” Every time I saw her she looked worse and worse. There were a couple times she collapsed, sometimes in my arms, only to wake up again several minutes later. She is constantly in pain. She is losing teeth. Tumors are pushing their way through her skin. Tumors are eating bones to the point of breaking.

In all this time, there’s nothing that anybody has said that has made it better. Having friends and loved ones around that showed their friendship was greatly appreciated, and still is, but it’s like trying to fill a fissure with a teaspoon.

What do I say? What can I offer her? My words bring no solution. Maybe that’s my problem, I’m thinking like a man. What’s worse, I’m a mathematical man, which means not only do I have an urge to find a problem and solve it, but since I know there could be a solution I am determined to find it.

The fact is that there are no solutions. There weren’t any when my grandparents died, nor when a friend’s father had died in our freshman year, or even now, for another friend’s father.

Everyone must walk there own path. Though these paths sometimes cross, and may look like another path, they are all unique. Nobody’s path is always easy to walk, in fact the path is often rocky with switchbacks every 10 feet. For those rocky times, I offer myself as a walking stick. An aid, but not a solution.

My prayers, hope, friendship, concern, fear, despair, happiness, joy, grief, hugs, kisses, raspberries, and general Loopiness are yours, Marissa.

the only thing scarier than looking for yourself in google is looking for images of yourself in google.

Here is Chris Loop with his son. Apparently, Chris Loop is a preacher.

This marks the first time I have seen any Loop that I am not related to. And of all the Loops I see, it’s a Chris Loop.

Many moons ago, during that four year blur known as high school, I participated in Odyssey of the Mind, a competition in creativity. Two of those years our team made it to World Finals, once in Ames, IA, and the next year in College Park, MD. Both years we stayed in the dorms on campus.

The morning we were to compete in Spontaneous, an impromptu portion of the competition, I decided to go downstairs and trade pins with other people in the lobby. Trading pins is a major thing to do there, as you get some pretty cool looking pins, meet people, and what have you. One guy from Texas put it a bit more bluntly saying, “There’s two reasons to trade pins. To screw little kids from their cool pins, and gettin’ pussy.” He described some pins as “pussy-getters.” Things aren’t normal in Texas.

So, I get in the elevator to head down from the 7th floor. I’m in the elevator by myself, which doesn’t usually bother me. With me I have my binder of pins, and a collapsable umbrella. The light shows that we have passed the 6th floor. Then the 5th. Then the elvator stops. Not at the 6th floor. Not at the 5th. I’m stuck. Instantly Speed and every other movie that involves plummeting to ones doom in an elevator surfaced in my mind’s eye.

No plummeting.

No sounds.

Nothing.

So, I pulled the alarm thingy. There was a loud noise, but nothing else. I pushed it back in.

Aha!! The phone!! I finally have areason to use the phone in an elevator!! I’d always wondered who was at the other end of those things. The lobby? The administration building? Tech support in India?

“Hello?”

“Hello, I’m stuck in the elevator.”

“What building are you in?”

Of all the places one would think to have caller ID, I’d imagine you’d have it on a help hotline so the panicky person on the other end that can barely remember their own names can get the help they need. Luckily I remembered the name of the building, and told them.

“Alrighty. We’ll send someone out.”

I hung up. Nothing. There are 4 elevators, 2 side by side acrodss from two more. I could hear the people in the elevator next to me getting on and off.

A buzzer went off in my elevator, followed by some sort of grinding.

Nothing.

Having seen enough TV to know how to escape, I pried the doors open to reveal the second doors. The elevator was 2 feet below the level of the current floor. The second doors wouldn’t open. That’s when I started going nuts. I started yelling out to the people that were in operable elevators. I started singing, chanting, hooting, hollering, etc. There was a sizable crowd outside the elevator asking if I was okay.

Then it hit me. There’s probably a release for the doors so that morons can’t pry open the doors and plummet to their doom. I looked at the inner workings and figured out which lever was the release. Thank god for my umbrella. I used the umbrella to release the doors, which easily slid open to reveal the crowd of people that helped me out of the elevator.

Spontaneous. Fuck.

How long was I in the elevator? It felt like ages.

I ran down the stairs to the lobby. I told the person at the front desk that I was the guy in the elevator, but I’m out now, so I’m okay.

“The elevator is stuck?”

That’s reassuring.

I ran out the doors, and straight to spontaneous, thinking that my team had already gone, as I was likely late.

I got there, but they weren’t there yet. They showed up, pissed that I had left without them. I told them the story, which lightened the mood a bit.

When we got back the elevator was still stuck.

The night of the closing ceremonies and party it was still stuck.

As far as I know, it’s still stuck.

Many religious/spiritual tenets deal with the search for self. Who am I? Well, I have pndered this on many levels, but came short, so I got Google to help me.

This is kinda disturbing. Bewertungen von chrisloop?

This is quite possibly my favorite. I’d like to meet this guy so I can show him my license and ask for a cut of his take.

Funny, I’ve never been to Naples, FL.

Nor have I been to Sandwich, MA.

I started doing searches on my own name after someone put my information on bisexual dating sites. As I’m very much so heterosexual, and the information listed me as being bisexual and an Eagle Scout, I was outraged. If anybody in scouting had seen that, I’d have to answer questions that I shouldn’t even be asked.

Anywho, give it a shot. You’ll never know who’s out there. There’s a Chris Loop in DC. She’s black and loves Tupac. Who knew?

When you are presented with a scenario, and the answer you know is right is in front of your face, and is being offered to you, do you still have questions or doubt?

She who was in the trenches of San Francisco with me representin’ the Toreadors has come through with flying colors. Penny pointed me to these Republicans for Voldemort stickers.

In doing this, she has also pointed me to another online comic that I will inevitably read daily. The strip that brought on these stickers is quite funny, and from the looks of what I’ve read, so are the other strips.

She has also made her site known to me. Beyond the whole “she’s a friend of mine, so you should go check this out,” I’d have to say that her stuff is quite good, and worth checking out. I wouldn’t be surprised if you see her name in a couple years at a comiccon, if that’s your scene. If it’s not, then she will always remain obscure to you, and that’s likely not a problem for her.

She’s totally cool, and if you play in a role playing game with her, she will likely try to kill you or get everything she can from you. Of course, she’ll also lead a group of people to stop your crucifixion, so having her around isn’t all bad.

Like most men I try to get gizmos and gadgets for all my fancies. This is why I have 4 video game systems in my house. I only get those that appeal to me, and have some use for me, and not the latest and greatest like most other men. For example, I own a Dreamcast for the sole purpose of having Soul Calibur. I also own an old school NES. But then I also own a gamecube for all of my newer game needs like Zelda. For those keeping track, I also have an N64, which used to serve the same purpose that the cube now serves.

My latest web gadget is the flooble thingy to the left, there. I’ve seen them all over, and know they’re not new, but I wanted one, dammit. It’s just a way for people to say hi when they look at the site, make a comment, etc. Have fun, but not too much fun. I see you hooligans getting ready to start some sort of shenanigans. Don’t think I don’t see you…

…and put your pants back on, there’s children present.

What’s your cyborg name?

I’m figuring that I infiltrate your mom, but only if she’s programmed for hazardous exploration and repair.

This weekend was rather eventful. Of course, it was Easter weekend, which is always packed full of chocolate and ham.

Friday night Milca and I were at the casa just kicking back. We have been playing gin rummy with some regularity. As a matter of fact, we have a running score sheet for the games we’ve played. We’re up to about 45 games or so. Our scores are in the 3000’s. It’s our goal to play to 1 million. She’s up about 200 points right now. You’d think she had already beaten me the way she beams about that. I’m typically competitive with just about anything, so when someone beats me at anything, there’s a big to do about it.

After a couple games, and a bout with the basilisk, I busted out the Star Wars game of Life. She was a human, I was a wookie. She went light side, I didn’t. That is usually my downfall as the end game is inevitably going to go to the good jedi. Even so, I can’t help but slip into the dark side. If it was good enough for Anakin, it’s good enough for me.

Saturday was Mike’s birthday party. Before going, Asha Jared and I met up at Jared’s. There I met his girlfriend, who I had yet to meet. She had a couple friends over. The 3 of them are deaf, and were signing like crazy. Signing amazes me. My hands are quick, but not nearly as quick as my mouth [instert perverted pun here]. Typically I get uncomfortable when people speak in some language in front of me that I don’t understand, but then they couldn’t hear us talk, so I guess it all balanced out. Language barrier or no, Heather and I conversed a la pen and paper. She’s recently gotten into the Harry Potter books, so we chatted it up.

Before we left I had some Jack Daniels, thanks to one of my favorite Jews, Jared. I love me some Jack. I don’t really drink anymore, so that Jack and the 2 cups from the keg I had at the party had me fairly toasted. The party was cool. I saw a lot of people I hadn’t seen in ages, and only one truly undesirable. The overall average was good, though.

Ahh, Jesus. This holiday is the most clouded of all the Christian holidays. Betrayal, lies, bribes, wrongful imprisonment, torture, execution, death, and ultimately ressurection. Where the fuck did the bunnies and eggs come from? Well, the pagans, but you understand the question should be rhetorical. Jesus died so we could all have chocolate and eggs filled with money. But then Christians have a warped sense of the world in general as is.

Milca and I hid about 100 eggs that had chocolate and $1 bills in them. That’s right, there was $100 out in the grass and bushes. My brothers each walked away with no less than $20 each. Assholes. All I got was a hardboiled egg that I colored the night before. I can still smell the vinegar.

This coming week my manager is on vacation, which means I have to work more. This is also spring break. Ironic, I was just thinking I’d never get a break.

so now that I have a car, I’m on a mission to find bumper stickers. I’ve already got one, and I have some Homestar stickers en route, but I’m thinking of what else to put on my ride.

This site has caught my eye. I’m thinking of some ideas that multiple people would want.

Get items, kill Ganon,
rescue Zelda, repeat

CONSTANT
VIGILANCE!

Avada Kedavra this,
bitch

etc.

If you have any ideas, throw them out there in the comments.

Boobies.