Bullshit Manifesto

I figured that I haven’t dorked out in a while, and something happened at camp that blew my mind and made me realize that there are people out there, even avid video game lovers, who never played the original Legend of Zelda for the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES). I take the fact that I had a Nintendo when it came out for granted. Some of these kids at camp weren’t even born when I was rescuing the Princess from the clutches of Bowser. So, in an effort to educate the masses in the ways of Link and his bad assedness, I bring you the list of Zelda games organized chronologically by release.

The Legend of Zelda

The Princess Zelda has been taken prisoner by Ganon. You, Link, need to collect 8 pieces of Triforce from eight dungeons, all the items in those dungeons, other items all over the land of Hyrule, and kill a butt load of bad guys to kill Ganon and save the day. This was an early testament to Nintendo’s strong suit, which was making games that are just plain fun. The graphics aren’t as great as they are now, but I could sit and just play this game any time of day, and there are thousands that agree with me. This game uses a bird’s eye view format, a main map, 9 dungeons, and dozens of hidden rooms, stores, and other locations. “It is dangerous to go alone. Take this.” The rest is history. This game was later rereleased for the Game Boy Advance (GBA)

The Adventure of Link

This sequel was a bold change of pace that some embraced, while others found it less appealing than it’s predecessor. With a bird’s eye view for the over world and a side scrolling screen for actual battles and dungeons, it was a very different game indeed. Beyond that it was more like an actual Role Playing Game (RPG) than the prior Zelda, as Link gained powerups in magic, defense, and attack. You had stats now. Personally I like it, but in a different way. It would be like going to a new restaurant and trying one of their pizzas, liking it, returning and ordering something else that is completely different, like pasta. I liked the pizza more, but the pasta wasn’t bad. It’s a matter of taste.

A Link to the Past

This installment for the Super Nintendo was a big jump from the original. Also a bird’s eye view, this game pushed the limits. There were two realities (two similar maps to jump between), dozens of new kinds of items, and more gameplay time. Also a game I could play over and over again. In this game you need to collect 3 stones, open a portal, go to 8 dungeons and collect 8 crystals this time, then kill Ganon and save Zelda. This game was later released on the GBA as well.

Link’s Awakening

This game for the Game Boy, and later Game Boy Color in a beefed up version, was in a dream world where you had to collect 8 instruments to awaken what can only be described as a Native American’s rendition of a giant whale/fish. Also a bird’s eye view, this game was also insanely fun to play. New concepts were introduced, such as my favorite, equipping bombs and arrows so that you can shoot a bomb arrow. Link needed a rocket launcher, and now he has it. The color version gave you an extra dungeon where you could get one of two tunics that would either beef up your defense, or your attack. Nice extra that made the game that much more fun/easy.

Ocarina of Time

The kids at camp played this game first, and hadn’t even played the original. While I can appreciate their age, and the fact that this game was a completely and totally awesome game, I can’t help but get into that old man talk of “Back in my day…” At any rate, this game was for the Nintendo 64 (N64), in 3D, and followed many of the original themes and traditions. You had to collect 3 stones to open a portal, then release 6 sages (7 really if you count Zelda herself), and kill Ganon to restore order to Hyrule. This game also had two alternate realities (maps) but they were separated by time, so in the happy land you were young, and in the torn apart land you were older. Items and abilities changed between them, giving the game a bit more flare. This game has it all. Side quests, extra items, and a replay value I can’t even describe. It was later rereleased on a disc with an extra version of the game that had more challenging dungeons.

Majora’s Mask

The same Link from OoT gets back home, gets jacked for his horse, chases down the guy, and ends up in an alternate reality where he must save the day (go figure). The catch here is that the world will be destroyed by a huge moon with an evil face on it in 3 days (not in real time). You must save the day before then, but it’s impossible. Solution? Use your Ocarina to travel back to the beginning of the first day so you can start over again. You keep your items, except those that have a quantity. For example, your Rupees (the currency of Hyrule) will be lost unless you deposit them into the bank. In this game you can also collect masks that give you extra abilities or are just for aesthetic purposes. In the end, if you have all of the masks you unlock another mask that makes the end boss easier to fight. Truthfully, I just beat his ass without it the first time, but getting that last mask was pretty cool, as it was a mask that basically made you the older version of yourself from OoT but all beefed up and cool looking. This game was darker, and wasn’t as popular as OoT, but I loved it, even if you did have to buy a memory upgrade to play it.

Oracle of Ages/Seasons

These two games released for the GBC were complimentary, as you could pass items between them, and could only see the true ending if you had beaten both games. They incorporated both side scrolling and bird’s eye, but stuck to bird’s eye for the most part. Changing the timeline/seasons, respectively, made the game a bit more interesting as you could only accomplish certain tasks when the world was covered in ice, or when the vines had grown in summer, for example.

The Wind Waker

This game for the Nintendo Game Cube (GCN) met some serious criticism initially for the art style used, cel shading. People, mostly uneducated kids, called it Celda before they had even played it. They forgot what I never did. Nintendo makes games that are fun, period. This game was also 3D, and took place in a vast ocean where you used a talking sail boat to get where you needed to go. What about the winds, you ask? Well, you had a wand that could change the direction of the winds, of course. If OoT was perfect, they improved on perfection. Again, you collect 3 stones, open a portal, collect 8 pieces of Triforce, kill Ganon, and save Zelda. I could play this game for days, and did. I took days off work so I could find heart pieces.

Soul Calibur 2

An honorable mention, as you can play in this fighting game with Link against other weapon fighters. This game had versions for the Play Station 2, the XBox, and the GCN, each with a unique added character. The GCN had Link, of course. From what I’ve heard, he was the most seamless addition, where the others didn’t mix in too easily. All I know is that I can throw some bombs at Lizardman’s bitch ass.

Four Swords

This game for the GCN is a bird’s eye, also incorporating the side scrolling in parts, but the twist here is that you are 4 Links. In one player, you control all 4, but you can get 3 friends to join in using their GBA’s to connect up. This means a main screen with 4 smaller subscreens, one for each player. Brilliant, innovative, and hella fun. It also made for the possibility to play a versus game, Link to Link. You collect 4 stones this time around, save 7 Maidens, kill Ganon, rescue Zelda, save the day.

So, there you go. A brief(?) rundown of some of the best games to ever hit console gaming systems. There are new games coming, and they will likely be even better than the previous, and will also likely result in my being locked in my room for days.

I’ve got your Master Sword right here.

I didn’t make this up, but I wish I had. I’m about 99% sure it’s satire, and I’m rolling in laughter at the thought of some Jesus loving little girl that takes this seriously.

The forum is good for a few laughs, too.

Alright, I couldn’t resist the temptation, I had to hear it. With everyone only giving them 30 seconds, if that, I felt we owed it to them for the laughs that their site gave us to at least listen to their songs, or have one person brave them alone. I am your hero, oh my brothers, and I have come back scathed.

First let me say, well, wow. I’m blown away at how bad this is. The music is mediocre, but the dork factor added in makes for music that fits in that “so bad it’s good” category like no other music I’ve ever heard.

The best song, which isn’t saying much, would be Save Ginny Weasley. All the songs have references that will make you giggle if not throw all of your Harry Potter books at the stereo/computer speakers. This song is at least catchy, and involves the basilisk.

If you are worried that it’s going to suck, it does, so you don’t need to worry anymore. If you’re up for a laugh, go ahead, but I warned you.

Sweet Jesus. It was only a matter of time.

I am back from camp with a sunburned face, some great experiences, some not s great ones, and a big smile on my face now that I’m back home. Even work was sounding okay. I kept that journal that I will post here in time. I didn’t bring it to work today, so maybe a post or two tonight from home. We’ll see.

At any rate, I spent the entirety of Saturday night with Milca, who I missed more than I can say. In the time I was gone there were a lot of changes and ideas concerning the wedding:

1. The ceremony and reception will be in the same spot. This means that…

2. The list will need to be rearranged, with more family being at the ceremony, and others will be cut a bit. It will also mean that…

3. There will be less confusion, and only one place to decorate.

4. No Los Gueros Grill, we’re going to have a caterer.

5. No worries on booze, we just need to bring our own, and the place has a fridge and the set up for a keg.

6. The engagement party will be the opportunity for friends that I can’t get onto the list to have a good time and whatnot.

Apart from that, it’s little things here and there. We’ve got a good idea on what we want for the invitations (thanks Amanda!!) and we’re coming along with our wedding garbs.

Before I left there was a lot of stress, but it’s seeming a lot better now. Milca’s grandmothers are also aid to be coming from Argentina. I’d met one before, but the other is still a stranger to me. This is the one family member of Milca’s that I’m the most worried to meet, as this is the person that Milca looks up to the most. My dear love’s dearest love.

So, until my next post, I bid you all adieu. Oh, and your mom.

I am going to be gone for a week. I leave for summer camp tomorrow morning. I am a volunteer leader for the Boy Scouts, and will be one of the acting Scoutmasters at camp. I will not have access to the internet while there (blessing or curse…?), so I urge you to click on the links I have on the right. I don’t list too many, and the ones I do have are worth clicking, as I actually read these sites as often as they update.

I will have my journal from camp to post when I get back. Here’s hoping there won’t be an entry entitled “How not to use a knife.”

My supervisor gave me Trivial Pursuit: Lord of the Rings Edition this last Christmas. All the questions are specific to the movies, so knowledge of the books may help get you to the right answer, but if there is a discrepancy between the two, it will always go with the movies. It came out just after Two Towers Extended so there are answers in there that you wouldn’t know unless you’d seen it. This goes for the Fellowship Extended as well.

The game plays just the same as the original Trivial Pursuit but with a couple twists. First, when you answer a question correctly on a pie square (even if you already have that color pie) you get The One Ring. The game comes with a little ring with the engraving visible. It’s not great quality, but it’s pretty cool. Once the first person gets The Ring, the Ringwraith is activated. He starts in the middle of the board and after someone gets a question wrong, you roll for him to move towards the Ring Bearer. Once the Ringwraith hits the outer ring of the board he may not go back onto the spokes. If he lands on one who does not have The Ring, that player loses a piece of pie. If he lands on the Ring Bearer nothing happens.

Second, if you have The One Ring you may opt for a second question if you don’t like the one you are asked. If you get the second one wrong, you lose a piece of pie.

The original didn’t have the opportunity to lose pie at all. This game has two ways to do so. It makes for interesting games, especially for the Ring Bearer, as they can make the Ringwraith chase down the other players so they lose pie. More strategy, more fun… I mean there’s a friggin Ringwraith chasing you down, for Pete’s sake!!

The six categories are Places, Good Guys, Bad Guys, War/Battle, History, and Behind the Scenes. That last one will fuck with you if you haven’t watched the extra discs. Watching the movies with commentary wouldn’t hurt, either. I used to play Trivial Pursuit with some old high school buddies, and there was a standing joke that the Sports and Leisure answers were almost always Mike Ditka. The bad guys questions have a similar answer. Grima Wormtongue.

I am always Frodo. The other tokens are Galadriel, Gandalf, and Aragorn. I have played most everyone I know, and only one person has beaten me. Milca, who, might I add, makes fun of the way that I pronounce Galadriel, amongst other Elven words. We play often. It’s pretty close most times, usually the loser has four or five pieces of pie. I’ve been known to get two pieces on my first turn once in a while. I believe my record is four. I’ve watched the first two countless times. Milca has seen Fellowshipa few times, and Two Towers more times than me, likely, and that’s saying something. Her skills are scary, really, considering we only have Two Towers in the house. I want ot buy Fellowship, but I’m holding out for the super duper boxed set that has all 3 movies in Extended versions so that I can just have the one box looking all pretty on my shelf. I used to have Fellowhip in the house, but the owner and I no longer live together, so he took it with him, and rightly so.

The title is currently mine, but I just got it back last night. We’ll see how long I can hold on to it.

Which member of the JLA are you? Green Lantern With the Green Lantern corps destroyed the last Oa power ring made it’s way to Earth to the unsupecting artist Kyle Rayner. Able to create anything his mind imagines the ring lacks the weakness to the color yellow and the 24 hour time limit which makes Kyle the one true Green Lantern.

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