Bullshit Manifesto

It has been made apparent and verified that the argument dealing with the Armenian Genocide was, in fact, created by nessa. She made this argument several years back, no later than 1997, in Pasadena. Nessa likely made this argument while on the Pasadena High School campus. The Loop, while a student and classmate of nessa, likely overheard said argument when it was said those many years ago. The Loop makes no claims that this argument is his own, but merely states that the sighting of a large Armenians T-Shirt brought back the memories of the original argument made by nessa.

The Loop wishes to appologize to nessa for any pain, discomfort, or misguided praise that should have been given to nessa.

I am the oldest of three boys, each born 6 years apart. We all went to the same elementary school, which has changed throughout the years, like most people and places do. The school is broken into two buildings, one for the younger grades, the other for the older.

I remember going into the younger building many years after having left the school for the first time in several years. The smell in the hall was the same, and made me remember. I walked down the hall peeking in the open doors. I saw the school office, which made me remember. I saw my second grade classroom, which made me remember. I passed my old Kindeergarten class, which had been redone and had extra stuff built in, which made me remember. Everything seemed smaller… or was I bigger? All the teachers seemed shorter, too. The steps seemed closer together, and smaller also.

Last night was like that, but instead of school it was so much more.

A great man has died.

Bow your heads in a moment of silence to honor this visionary.

I’m all choked up… maybe a little bit of that sauce…

This makes me sick. I seriously considered moving to Canada the moment I heard this. Our country sucks.

In honor of his 54th birthday, I bring you 54 of my favorite Bill Murray moments through the years.

1. Star Wars lounge singing on SNL. Only he could pull off the lounge lizard doing that song.

2. Barber of York segment on SNL. Though he had only a small part in that sketch, when the Barber of York tells him all he needs is a “Good bleeding,” his reply of “But I’m bleeding already” gets me every time.

3. The Dalai Lama speech from Caddyshack. “So I’ve got that goin’ for me.”

4. The battle between himself and the gopher in Caddyshack. It was later imitated by Tiger Woods, but the original is by far the best. Nobody carries grudges against varmints quite like he did.

5. He and Chevy Chase smoking the doobie in Caddyshack. Light it up, and wash it down with some Carlo Rossi. “Cannonball!! Cannonball comin’!”

6. Leading the cadence in Stripes. Boom shacka-lacka-lacka boom shacka-lacka-lacka boom shacka-lacka-lacka boom.

7. Talking to the group of women at the party in Tootsie. “I wish I had a theater that was only open when it rained.”

8. The test from Ghostbusters. “I am studying the effect of negative reinforcement on ESP ability.”

9. Slime collecting in Ghostbusters. “Someone blows their nose and you want to keep it?”

10. Venkman selling Ray the idea of going into business for themselves in Ghostbusters. “For whatever reason, Ray, call it fate, call it luck, call it karma. I believe everything happens for a reason.”

11. Venkman investigating Dana’s Apartment in Ghostbusters. “They hate this.”

12. The showdown between Slimer and the Ghostbusters. “Wait, wait… I’ve always wanted to do this. And… THE FLOWERS ARE STILL STANDING!!”

13. Venkman talking down Dana/Zuul in Dana’s apartment in Ghostbusters. “Oh, Zuul-ie, you nut, now come on…”

14. Going over the history of the Gozer worshippers in prison in Ghostbusters. “No studying…”

15. Creeping out the other prisoners in Ghostbusters. “So be good, for goodness sake. Whoa, somebody’s comin’…”

16. Witnessing the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man’s wrath in Ghostbusters. “Nobody steps on a church in my town!!”

17. Throwing down with Gozer in Ghostbusters. “Let’s show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown.”

18. Emergin unscathed, and marshmallow free at the end of Ghostbusters.

19. The dentist scene from Little Shop of Horrors. Jack Nicholson was the original, but Bill’s take on the role was priceless.

20. On the set for the Christmas Special in Scrooged. “Did you try staples?”

21. When he meets Carol Kane in Scrooged. “The bitch hit me with a toaster.”

22. The new man at the end of Scrooged. “The catch is that you need to shower. You are RIPE.”

23. Venkman taking pics of Vigo in Ghostbusters 2. “Show me angry…”

24. Investigating at Dana’s apartment in Ghostbusters 2. “I’d like to run some gynecological tests on the mother.” “Who wouldn’t?”

25. Venkman hosting the psychic show in Ghostbusters 2. “Until next time, this is Peter Venkman saying __________.”

26. Venkman on the stand in Ghostbusters 2. “Kitten, I think what I am saying, is that sometimes, shit happens, someone has to deal with it, and who ya gonna call?”

27. Venkman admiring the Statue of Liberty in Ghostbusters 2. “She is French. You know that.”

28. Piloting the Statue of Liberty in Ghostbusters 2. They used an NES Advantage, for crying out loud. I still have one.

29. Doing the weather in Groundhog Day. “Out in California, they’re going to have some warm weather tomorrow, gang wars, and some very overpriced real-estate.”

30. Ned Ryerson interactions in Groundhog Day. “Bing!!”

31. Robbing the bank in Groundhog Day. “Fix your bra, Doris.”

32. Talking to the operator in Groundhog Day. “What if there is no tomorrow? There wasn’t one today!!”

33. Eating cake in Groundhog Day. “What?”

34. Driving drunk in Groundhog Day. “Too early for flapjacks?”

35. Spending the loot he stole from the bank in Groundhog Day. “Call me Bronco.”

36. The bar scene from Groundhog Day. “Sweet vermouth, on the rocks, with a twist, please?” I’ve tried it, and it isn’t too good.

37. Driving with the groundhog in Groundhog Day. “Don’t drive angry.”

38. When he snaps before driving off with the groundhog in Groundhog Day. “There is no way this winter is ever going to end as long as that groundhog keeps seeing his shadow. I don’t see any way out of it. He’s got to be stopped. And I have to stop him.”

39. Explaining his dilema in Groundhog Day. “I am a god. I’m not the God… I don’t think.”

40. Grieving for Bela Lugosi in Ed Wood. “Let’s hear you call Boris Karloff a cocksucker.”

41. Going over his costume and makeup in Ed Wood. “What about glitter? When I was a headliner in Paris, audiences always liked it when I sparkled.”

42. In the zone while bowling in Kingpin. “Believe me, as a bowler, I know that right about now, your bladder feels like an overstuffed vacuum cleaner bag and your butt is kinda like an about-to-explode bratwurst.”

43. The interaction between him and the truck driver in Larger Than Life.

44. Any scene that he’s a part of in Wild Things, not to mention the fact that he makes out like a bandit in the end.

45. Giving a speech in Rushmore (see quote above)

46. In the pool in Rushmore.

47. Sumo wrestling with Tim Curry in Charlie’s Angels.

48. Locked in the prison cell in Charlie’s Angels.

49. Interacting with Dudley in The Royal Tenebaums. “How interesting. How bizarre!!”

50. Relaying information about Dudley to an audience in The Royal Tenebaums. “Can the boy tell time?” “Oh, my Lord, no.”

51. Talking to his wife in The Royal Tenebaums. “Well then I just want to die.”

52. Interacting with the camraman in Lost in Translation. “He drinks martinis, but okay.”

53. The scene with the sexual fantasy lady in Lost in Translation. “Hey, lip them?”

54. Talking about being a father in Lost in Translation. “Your life, as you know it… is gone. Never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk… and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life.”

Happy Birthday, Bill.

This morning started like most mornings. I woke up at 6 to hit the snooze button. I did this every nine minutes until 7, when I got up and had some fresh coffee that Milca’s mom had made. She had already left for work, but there was a note in front of the coffee pot that said “Fresh Coffee.” As Milca dislikes coffee rather strongly, I knew this was just for me, so I drank the two cups that were in the pot, trying to remember to thank her the next time I see her, while watching a bit of Seabiscuit on HBO.

After saying goodbye to the dogs and telling them to be good dogs today, I got into the Loopmobile and headed for PCC. I noticed that the 110 South was pretty congested and felt lucky that I didn’t have to drive in that mess. Then the northbound started to get congested. I got off at the next exit, took side streets through South Pasadena and took the 210 the rest of the way.

Once I got into the parking lot I found a spot on the 4th level, not too far from the stairs. This is when I realized that I didn’t have the money to park. Sure, I had 3 five dollar bills, and an ATM card that I could have used, but no coins that equalled a dollar, nor a dollar bill. I tried stopping a couple people to see if they had change for a five. I had ten minutes until my class started, so any hopes of getting help from anyone that wasn’t around me would mean I’d be late. I stopped a group of three asian girls and asked if they had change. They didn’t. Just as I had gone back into my car to inspect every piece of clothing and every crevice in the seats, one of the girls came up to me and gave me 4 quarters and asked nothing in return.

I suppose that my PCC karma has come full circle.

First, let’s get some definitions on the table.

genocide: The systematic and planned extermination of an entire national, racial, political, or ethnic group.

All through high school I was forced to go to different assemblies at different points of the year so I could be educated on some group of people that were done wrong by the tyranny of white man. I, being one of these white men, had no such assembly for my people, even if they weren’t the ones wearing the swastikas or the white sheets, but rather the subject of their cruelty as well. White is white, I suppose.

One of these assemblies was unique, as it wasn’t all whites that were the instigators here. The Armenian Assembly. This assembly brought us such pearls of greatness as the Armenian rapping duo that sang “1915, Never Again.” The whole point of the assembly was to educate the masses on the Armenian Genocide. One of the key points of this education is that one side denies the entire happening. If my people were slaughtered and driven from their homeland, then the people who did it denied it, I might get a bit pissed myself. My problem is with the vocabulary they use. Genocide.

By the definition given above, which was taken from dictionary.com, it’s a genocide when the entire race has been killed. I know several Armenians, so it couldn’t have been a genocide. I suppose you could use holocaust, but then it would only truly be applicable if the Armenians were subject to flame and fire.

Really I don’t have much to say on the whole history aspect of the whole situation. I just wish they would call it the Armenian Massacre, or something else that allows for the fact that maybe at least one of the Armenians survived.

I’ve been caught in this pickle, lemme see if I can relate it…

I need to talk to someone in particular. I have things I have wanted to say to them for quite some time now. I haven’t said these things because I didn’t think they’d really give a rat’s ass, nor would they give me the time of day. I had grown to accept this as a reality. The only reason I think that this person is now willing is thatother things have passed between them and others.

Here’s where it gets tricky. If I try to initiate contact, it might seem as though I’m jumping on some sort of bandwagon, when I’ve had these things to say for no fewer than 2 years. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. We’ve been in the same places lately, but the circumstances haven’t allowed this to happen. The talk I’d like to have would require the two of us being in a place where there aren’t gobs of people or copious amounts of booze… at least not until after we talk.

I guess all I’m really trying to say is, Fishie69, can we talk?

When I saw this film I laughed. It was a decent enough movie, even for a Stallone action flic. I got over Wesley Snipes lazy eye, and Sandra Bullock’s attempt at being naive. I even got over the fact that most of the men of the future are apparently gay.

Then this happens.

It was only a matter of time. We all saw it coming. But isn’t anyone worried that we may only have Taco Bell to choose from in the future? I still can’t for the life of me figure out how I’m going to clean my ass with three seashells, which will inevitably be necessary as the only food to eat when dining out will be Taco Bell. I can’t imagine only having commercials to listen to on the radio… and don’t get me started on how they have sex…

Per Donavan’s request in the comments of the previous post, here is my top ten favorite movies in no particular order. Explanations will be short, if they are given at all. I may elaborate on a director and list other works of theirs worth seeing.

1. The Royal Tenenbaums

Wes Anderson’s other films (Rushmore, Bottle Rocket) are also worth seeing. It doesn’t get much better than the Wilson brothers.

2. Dead Alive

Peter Jackson’s work before LoTR. It shoud be noted that until some twisted screwball in Japan made his film, this was the goriest film of all time. It’s also chalk full of one liners that I could recite for days. “I kick ass for the Lord.” Indeed.

3. Labyrinth

Jim Henson was a god. Muppets kick ass. Jennifer Connelly was, and still is, extremely talented and beautful, even if she was only 16. Oh, and I can’t recall another film that shows off David Bowie’s bulges quite like this jewel from the 80’s.

4. Annie Hall

Ever been in a relationship?

5. Young Frankenstein

The best comedy ever. Period.

6. The Empire Strikes Back

There are those that argue over which of the trilogy is best, so I thought I’d settle it for you. First, Luke gets his ass beat. Several times. Second, Yoda. No ninja jumping, cgi, bitch ass Yoda. This is the real deal. Third, and quite possibly the most important, the good guys lose.

7. Groundhog Day

Bill Murray is a god. He’s a god, not The God.

8. Nate and Hayes

As cool as Keith Richards Johnny Depp was as a pirate, it doesn’t get much better than Tommy Lee Jones.

9. Office Space

If you have a job, you can relate. I know people who quit their jobs because of this movie. Seriously.

10. Batman

So that’s how you make a comic book movie that doesn’t suck. First Tim Burton is virtually untouchable (Beetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands, Big Fish). Second, you’ve got a score by Danny Elfman and a soundtrack by Prince. Nuff said there. Third, Michael Keaton was, and always be, the best Batman. Why? Because he was a perfect Bruce Wayne. Put the cape and cowel on anyone and they’re Batman, but Bruce is a bit tougher to pull off.

This was made on the fly, but I think that it’s a solid start. There are likely films that I missed, but then I have rated about 1100 films on netflix, so you’ll have to forgive me if I can’t recall all of my favorites.

If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to hear all of your top ten lists in the comments. I’m always up for a good movie. Hell, I’m up for a bad one most times, too. I have seen Ice Pirates. Lay it on me.