It was a cold, overcast day in June. June 21, 2003, to be exact. The date is important as it was the day that Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was released. I had ordered my copy from Amazon weeks before, and was anxiously awaiting it’s arrival. I had received an email from Amazon telling me that I would be receiving my copy that very day, as it was the largest pre-order that they had ever received.
The Pookie had gotten me hooked on the Harry Potter series, but she was in Amsterdam with the Gweeba. I ws to pick her up at the airport the next day, which meant that I had until that time to finish the book so I could have my one up on her. After every book I finished I was ranting and raving, and there she was waiting for me saying, “I KNOW!!” This time would be different. This time I would be the one saying, “I KNOW!!”
It was noon. A Budget moving truck stopped in front of the house. Was someone moving? No, that was the truck they were using to deliver all the books. They weren’t kidding with that biggest order business. I ripped open the box, and got to reading. I stopped only breifly to statr a load of laundry. I also stopped to look into the fridge, as my stomach was on the verge of going on strike.
Nothing in the fridge.
Time for delivery.
I loved me some Papa John’s pizza. It was that dipping sauce that they served with the pizza tht made it that much yummier. Granted, your arteries would harden at the mere mention of it, but it was still grubbin’. I called them up and made my order.
The Order
1) One medium Chicken Alfredo Pizza.
2) One extra order of the garlic sauce (because one is never enough).
3) One 2 liter of root beer.
4) They said it would take a half an hour.
I was able to drink the last beer in the house to tide me over for 30 minutes, so I was set. 35 minutes later, no pizza.
40 minutes, no pizza.
45 minutes, no pizza.
I called them up. “Your pizza should be there within 30 minutes or so, maybe 40 minutes.”
“When did they leave your store?”
“Lemme check… oh… 45 minutes ago… If he’s not there in 10 minutes call us again.”
Ten minutes later I make that call.
“When the driver gets there tell him the pizza is free and to call us if he has any questions.”
Hell yeah the pizzas free.
4) They said it would take a half an hour.
He arrived after an hour from my initial call. Apparently he had gotten a ticket, hence his tardiness. I would have felt a bit sorrier for him if I hadn’t had a headache from having not eaten any real food (if you want to call pizza real food). It was at this time that I realized something. He didn’t have my 2 liter of root beer.
3) One 2 liter of root beer.
Since it was free, I didn’t gripe too much. I don’t think he would have gone back for it either.
I went inside and opened the box.
2) One extra order of the garlic sauce (because one is never enough)
One would have to be enough, apparently.
I served up a couple slices, sat down, opened the book back up, and took a bite. Something was off. A couple more bites. Something is extremely weird about this pizza… There was no sauce on this pizza.
1) One medium Chicken Alfredo Pizza.
Every item from the order had been messed up. I called to see what the manager would say to this, which was a promise of a free pizza the next time I called. I informed him that this was unnecessary, as there would not be a next time. That would be my last time calling them or eating their pizza.
The next day I finished the book, picked up the pookie at the airport, and waited at home for the call. When it came, I said, “I KNOW!!”
Fuck Papa John’s.